Wishing. . .

Wishing that ice cream was a diet food.

And cheese and potatoes too.

And that houses came self-cleaning. And always smelled good.

Wishing that laundry washed, dried and folded itself. And ironed itself too.

Wishing that I could be in two places at a time, and never missed out on time with my kids (except when they are sleeping or at school, of course!)

Wishing that marriage was perfect and kids were perfect and pets were perfect and all healthy food tasted good.

Wishing for peace on earth and goodwill toward man and size 4 jeans that fit PERFECTLY. All wishes that are never likely to come true.

Wishing that Dads didn't die and leave you alone to deal with the aftermath.

Wishing. Wishing. Wishing.

Another Busy Weekend.

And the mama-guilt is in full force.

Saturday I am going to the Beth Moore conference at Pinelake. Sunday at 2 I am meeting my chemistry professor to study for the chapter 18 quiz. This is the end of the semester and these are the last few grades we will be getting.

Another bit of mama-guilt. My chemistry final is May 11 at 6 pm. May 11 would be Sara's birthday. . . .My oldest baby is turning 10. :( :( I am hoping there is some way to get out of it, that Dr. Toyota might let me meet him the weekend before and take that final! Pooooor Sara if he won't allow it.

Worked at Pinelake taking care of those sweet babies today. There was a potluck - YUM! And I went to the gym afterwards. . . .needed it! LOL!

Crazy PetSmart Lady

Tonight our family went to the Jackson Red Lobster. That was a mess in and of itself _HORRIBLE service. There was a 30-45 minute wait to get in so Julie, Ava and I walked over to the Jackson PetSmart. We were standing in front of a row of tanks full of lizards and turtles when this lady comes up behind me. Mind you I am looking into the tanks of reptiles, and she says "You are JUST Too tall - that's your problem. . . Too tall". So I turn and look at her and she is maybe 5'8" and overweight and she is wearing a LOT of makeup, including red lipstick that is smeared all over her face and she is slurring her words. I guess I must have been standing there looking shocked because she decides to hug me, and then says "And PRETTY too... blue eyes - they are going extinct." Wow. Finally she staggers off to purchase Dog Chow or whatever it is she was in there for. I was DYING. The first thing I thought was . .. I can't believe that strange lady TOUCHED me. And the second thought - I can't WAIT to tell Jimmy. ;)

TGIW! I love Wednesdays!

Wednesday! Hump Day. Not normally people's favorite day of the week but it is mine! Tuesday is the worst day of my week - the longest day. . . so Wednesday is the furthest day from Tuesday! LOL! And Wednesday mornings I go to work and play with sweet babies and hang out with friends, and then we go out to lunch afterwards. Wednesday is also the day Ava has her sweet swim lessons, and I LOVE that. :) I just love my Wednesdays! So my picture of the day is Ava from swim lessons - not this week but a few weeks ago. :)

Mama-guilt

So yeah, I have three kids. And I am a full time student. And I work parttime. And I have a husband. So all of these things.

I let my house slide. SERIOUSLY let it slide. For a while last year the house was on the market so I had to keep it pretty clean all the time. Then in November the listing expired and it was finals time and life intervened and the house went downhill.

This semester I have been asking more of my husband. Like asking him to help with the bathrooms on the weekends. I figure he uses the bathroom too, and the three rugrats using the bathrooms ARE his kids as well, and he can help out. So he kinda took over. This semester I have 2 night classes - so he gets the kids from school Monday and Tuesday nights, cooks dinner for them, and puts them to bed while I am at school. He has lately gotten to cleaning the whole house on Monday and Tuesdays. It is awesome. But of course I feel guilty that he is doing so much. He helps them with their homework, too. Now they come to him with problems, not always necessarily me. It makes me sad.

I try to tell myself that I took 10 years to take care of them. I stayed home with them, I changed their diapers, I breastfed them. I made so many sacrifices of who I am to take care of my babies, and I loved every minute (okay maybe not EVERY minute). Now that they are getting older they can survive without their Mama every second of every day, right? But the Mama-guilt is here and it is strong. I still spend a lot of time with my girlies, and I try to make the time we spend together GOOD time- quality time, but of course it is nowhere near as much when I was staying home. When I was staying home I cooked REAL food - where the meat started out as raw meat and I added ingredients and it ended up being cooked into a meal. . . .Now it is frozen food, pasta and lots and lots of eating out. And I feel guilty about this.

I feel guilty about pursuing MY dream at their expense. I know in my head that my girls having a closer relationship with their father is a GOOD thing for them. They have 2 parents that love them and that is a blessing. They have food to eat and clothes to wear and it doesn't really matter which parent washed and folded those clothes. I know that my sweet husband is completely capable of taking care of those sweet girlies. Becoming a doctor is MY dream, not theirs, not Jimmy's. This is about ME. And I feel selfish for pursuing my dream, even though in the end it will affect all of their lives, hopefully for the better.

I am proud of the hard work that I have done. I am proud of the work I do; proud of my job at Pinelake, proud of my girls, and my relationships with my husband and my friends. I juggle so many things and i am proud of that.

Today has been a Mama-guilt kind of day. Julie threw up this morning and i had a test in my 9:30 class, so Jimmy stayed home from work to take care of her. Very sad and hard for me to accept that I am not parent #1 anymore. :(

BOO!!

So yesterday I got a letter from my school saying that i am not eligible for my associates degree because I have not taken "orientation". REALLY??? Are you kidding me? I guess tomorrow I will have to call and complain because that really does not seem fair. I have a 3.9 GPA and I am 29 years old - do I really need to take the orientation?

I went to spin class tonight with Jacqueline and then to Borders to study. I have GOT to lose this weight. My cashier at Borders is a student at MC - she is in elementary education though so I won't have any classes with her. :)

I have a test tomorrow night on the internal anatomy of a pigeon, frog and perch (fish). Tuesday morning I have another test in art. I can't believe this semester is almost over. I am getting excited about Disney World and my summer classes. Really disappointed that I may not get to graduate over something so silly as orientation!

Excited!

I applied for my Associates Degree today! :) I will hopefully graduate in May! And the best thing about graduating with an associates degree is that as long as I have an A or B (and I have all As!) I am exempt from taking the final!!! So my goal is to have all As by finals week and then WOO HOO take my As and run! :) Less than a month to go!

I love my Fridays. It is my day to rest and relax and recuperate from my busy school week. I have a 10:00 appointment for a massage tomorrow and an 11:30 date for lunch with my hubby! Exciting day! :)

Went to the gym today thank goodness!! Its about time. I have gained 11 lbs lately. Not happy about it at all.

Day After Easter. . .

Our family had a GREAT Easter! Saturday I had to meet my Chem 2 teacher for a study day but after that I met up with my family and we went to see the movie How To Train Your Dragon - LOVED it! Sunday was a great day. My sweet husband bought me 3 Pandora charms for my bracelet and a box of Godiva chocolates! I am SO spoiled! And of course my girlies are spoiled as well. TOO much stuff to list, but candy and toys and fun galore! I am a lazy mom, so I did not cook Easter dinner for my family - instead we went to Outback for steaks! ;)

My older 2 kids had school today as a make up day for the ONE snow day they had this year. I had school today as well - a test in Biology. My baby did NOT have school so the hubby had to take the day off to watch her, and he decided to clean the house. :) Sweet! Anyway, the older kids were tardy to school (BAD MAMA!) and I left pretty early to go study for my test because when I am at home and Ava is here I am always either fixing her something to eat, cleaning the house, or playing on facebook. There are way too many distractions here. So I went to the library to study. My test was scantron, and there were some errors with the grading due to some erasing, so right now he has my grade as a 91. I am pretty sure I did better than that though. Tomorrow morning I have a test in Statistics, and tomorrow night I have a test in Chem 2. After tomorrow the rest of the week will be smooth sailing! :) Wednesday I will hopefully go out to lunch with my work friends and Friday I will go out to lunch with my sweet hubby!

I got a number for the volunteer coordinator for Blair E. Batson Children's Hospital. I am planning on calling tomorrow afternoon and scheduling my appointment to set that up. I am really excited about that.

Anyway, that is all. One more crazy day and then things will be better!

I am a bad blogger. It has been more than a year since i have blogged ANYTHING. My last blog was about going back to school - I had just registered for my first 4 onlineclasses. Last week I registered for my LAST 4 online classes at Hinds. That was 4 semesters ago and now I am so super psyched about transferring to Mississippi College as a pre-med major. I am so excited and nervous! I will be transferring with 74 hours and will be taking at least that many at MC. I still need Organic Chem 1 and 2, Physics 1 and 2, trigonometry, Calculus, Gross Anatomy, Physiology, Pharmacology, Medical Microbiology, Genetics, etc etc etc the list just seems to be neverending. And yet all I can do is take it one semester at a time, one class at a time. I am taking Old Testament, New Testament, Sociology and Medical Terminology over the summer, and looking forward to taking online classes again. :)