Our Family at the Rock N Roll Cafe

Our Family at the Rock N Roll Cafe
Graceland, TN

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's So Hard.

It's hard balancing the different roles I have in my life right now. I knew that being pre-med and a wife and a mom of 3 would be tough. I didn't go into this thinking it would be a breeze. But Wow the guilt just piles up.

Some days we don't go anywhere because I have to do schoolwork. Some days we stay home all day and then when the husband gets home I immediately leave for a coffeeshop to get work done in peace. Some days I am so stressed out everything the girls do gets on my nerves. My whole life revolves around getting As and being a success.

And yet I have these 3 little people depending on me. 3 little people who are going to wake up in the morning and want breakfast and lunch and hope that I will make it for them. (Sometimes I get them the bread and let them put peanut butter on it themselves. I tell myself it is teaching them independence. . . ) I have 3 little people who will only have 1 summer break from school this year and next summer they are going to day care and this just might be the last summer of me being a stay-at-home mom. And I want to be a success at raising them too. I made a commitment to them when I gave birth to them. They are my pride and joy.

Speaking of being a stay-at-home mom - that has defined me for the last 10 years. Who am I? A mom. . . that's it. It has been who I am for so long that i am struggling with the idea of NOT being a stay-at-home mom. This fall I will be a full-time student and just a regular old Mom. A haphazard Mom. A Mom who lets a huge part of the burden fall on Dad's shoulders. His very very capable shoulders. I cannot even express how thankful I am for the man I married so long ago. He has stepped up to the plate and allowed me to pursue my goals with no qualms. This isn't his dream - being married to a doctor. This is completely mine. He cleans the house, he takes care of the kids, he does it all so that I can do what I need to do. He is amazing.

Anyway, it's a recurring theme, the guilt. The Mom-guilt. It is REALLY hard to be a good Mom and a good student. It's even harder to be an EXCELLENT mom and and excellent student. And unfortunately those are the expectations I have for myself- I want to be excellent at everything, and I feel like I am failing.

1 comment:

mean mom productions said...

okay deep breath.

10 years you have been there for them. They will be gone one day and you will have nothing but an empty house. Its okay to pursue your dreams. YOu are setting a good example by doing so. I'm proud to call you my friend.